I am no parenting expert, but when it comes to how I raise my kids, I simply don't agree with several age-old ideas. One thing is for sure, there is no handbook on how to be a Mom and you have to learn as you go. Most of the time, if you follow your gut instinct, you can't go wrong!
Of course everyone is going to give you their two cents. Listen graciously and proceed with your life. If you know in your heart that you're doing the best that you can and your babies are happy, you have to stick to your guns and do what you believe is right no matter what anyone says! You can't get caught in a cycle of constantly questioning yourself based on an outsider's opinion. They don't live your life. You do!
As a Mom, I have had to work on patience and understanding. These tiny humans that we bring into this world are just that: tiny humans. They are living, breathing, feeling, growing, mini versions of us. We have good days and bad days, happy times and sad times, angry moments and joy-filled moments. Just as our emotions, feelings, and moods are ever-changing, so are our kids'. It goes back to the Golden Rule: we have to treat our kids the way that we would want to be treated in a similar situation. We are after all laying the foundation for them to grow into happy, healthy and well-adjusted adults.
As a parent, there are two main things I DON'T do:
Spank
I do not and will not spank my children. The whole idea behind a spanking makes no sense to me. If your child hits you or someone else, you ultimately want to teach them NOT to hit. If we respond to their hitting by hitting them, how are they learning to be anything but violent? Not only are we responding to violence with violence, but we are instilling fear in our children. I don't know about you, but I don't want my children to ever be fearful of me! I want my children to trust me and feel secure with me. I want to guide them in the right direction without scaring them into submission.
As an alternative, I will get down on my child's level and talk the situation through. Ask him what prompted the anger (i.e. Did it make you mad when Kate took your ball? Is that why you hit her?) and how he would feel if someone hit him. Suggest that next time he should try to use words to communicate his anger instead of lashing out and hitting. In this respect, I am teaching empathy and helping them to understand and recognize not only their emotions, but take into consideration the emotions of others. The ultimate goal would be for the child to recognize the emotion and either ask for help when the emotion arises, or be conditioned to respond in a calmer manner.
If our kids grow up in a hostile and angry home, they will never learn to regulate their emotions. I want my home to be a safe and happy place. Spanking does not equate to a happy and healthy upbringing in my book!
Yell
Again, this goes back to the safe and happy home. I know how frustrating it can be to try to deal with a two year old that cries nonstop. No matter what you do. Even if you do exactly what they just (politely) asked you to do. It can feel like an endless battle! I am not perfect by any means and I most certainly have my days where my frustration gets the best of me, but on the whole, I try to be as calm and patient as I can. If my son spills something on the floor, is yelling really necessary? Heck, I spill things on the floor and I am a grown woman!
In lieu of yelling, I let him know that it's okay to make a mistake, but it's his responsibility to clean it up. We will go grab a rag and he will wipe up his mess. It is much easier to teach him to clean up his mess than it is to try to wipe up his mess AND wipe the tears that I caused him to cry by yelling at him. By responding in a calm and practical manner, our kids aren't afraid to be human and make mistakes.
Our kids are going to make mistakes. A lot of them. We make mistakes as adults too! It feels much better when someone rationally explains to us what we did wrong and how we can correct it versus someone yelling at us and making us feel as big as a speck of sand. I want to build my children up, not tear them down.
Ultimately, I want to raise kind and polite children. I want my children to be respectful of others and not only be aware of their own emotions, but also be aware of how their actions can affect the emotions of others. I want to be a positive role model and show them that anger and violence really don't solve any problems, but they actually create a whole host of new problems. I want my children to be self-confident and gracious, calm and patient, loving and compassionate. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity to help them grow up to be the best that they can be.
In what ways do you incorporate Positive Parenting into your lives?
xoxo,
Caitlin
No comments:
Post a Comment